While you might have your own perspective on finances, it’s equally important to listen to your partner’s views. Money conversations should be collaborative, not confrontational. Seek to understand your partner’s financial background, values, and goals. The way you approach the conversation will set the tone for the entire discussion.

If you’re taking the time to make room for someone in your life, you better believe they’re going to affect your finances, and you theirs. The more proactive you are about starting open conversations about these topics, the better off you’ll be in the long run. According to Fidelity’s 2024 Couples & Money Study,1 nearly 9 in 10 couples say they communicate well with each other about their finances. A majority of partners say they work together on making day-to-day financial decisions, and even more report working jointly on decisions about longer-term financial goals, like retirement. If the real money talks are too difficult for you and your partner alone, seek help from a money therapist or financial coach.

Talking About Money: Conversation To Have

Also keep track of the month ahead and guess what expenses you might face coming up. Knowing how much debt you each have is another very important conversation to have — especially if you’re getting married and want to join finances. An easy starting point for any conversation about money should begin with your income. By knowing each other’s income, you can decide how to use that money together. You could even chat about ways to boost your income, either by finding a new job or starting a side hustle.

The Money Talk: When, Why, And How To Have The Conversation With Your Partner

Our online programs, podcasts, blogs, and book reviews and resources are designed to help you learn the concepts, rules and vocabulary of money, finance and investing. Other things to discuss include student loans, personal loans, car finance, and any mortgages either of you has. These will all affect your credit score, so you both need a full picture of each other’s finances. Money is the number one reason why people get divorced in this country.

For instance, maybe your goal is to pay off your student loans while saving for a down payment on a house. But your partner prefers urban living and enjoys a maintenance-free, renter lifestyle. They’d rather spend money on experiences like concerts and weekend getaways. Student loans, rent, credit card debt, and the pressure to “live your best life” can strain your finances even when you’re on your own. Add another person into the mix, and things get even more complicated. Let’s look at some do’s and don’t’s in a relationship to follow when you sit down to have that all important conversation about money with your partner.

In community property states, for instance, you may be held responsible for debt your spouse accumulates during the marriage, even if you never used the credit card. Initiating the conversation about finances early can help protect your financial well-being as you build a life together. While it might be uncomfortable to discuss past financial mistakes, being honest with your partner is important. If you’ve accumulated credit card debt, it’s better to have that conversation early than to face rejection during a joint mortgage application down the road. How your partner manages debt can impact your future, especially if you plan to combine finances or apply for loans together. Even if you don’t get married, lenders may consider both incomes and expenses when evaluating certain types of loans.

Communicating can get rocky when you have different spending habits from your spouse. This might look like a monthly household CFO meeting to discuss finances over wine in a goal-oriented and team building way. McCoy says she and her husband occasionally have a date night where they buy a Powerball ticket and discuss what they would do differently if money wasn’t an object. A study she conducted in 2021 found 83% of people hadn’t talked about money to anyone in an entire year. It makes sense then that financial disagreements between wives and husbands are the strongest disagreement type to predict divorce. Before you each start digging trenches, spend some time gathering additional information.

If this imbalance isn’t equalized, both couples can end up with hurt feelings, Clayman says. In creating a financial life together, Clayman says there are five necessary elements for financial intimacy. If both parties work, it’s important to be open about your income.

Even if you’ve been together a long time, going through this exercise could help set a new tone for better communication about your finances. When you learn how to talk about money in relationships, it’s important not to pry. Instead, listen, be empathic, and observe your spouse’s mannerisms. You’ll learn a lot about their stance on money just by listening. Whether you’re moving in together or simply sharing occasional expenses, it’s important to discuss how you’ll split financial responsibilities.

First, discuss what financial goals you have in common and which you don’t. Then learn to compromise so both partners feel seen and heard in the relationship. So talk about credit scores early, and figure out a way to fix them if necessary. When you believe you’ve found “the one,” it’s time to have the money conversation, especially if you’re thinking about a long-term future together. At first, these differences might not seem like a big deal, and you might even appreciate their spontaneity. However, as your relationship becomes more serious and you start planning a future together, conflicting financial goals can cause friction.

But financial compatibility will play a huge role in the success of your relationship. Money is going to impact any choices you and your partner decide to make, or not to make. Are you going to buy a house, have kids, retire early?

She refers to John Gottman’s Golden Ratio—the idea that we need to have five positive interactions for every negative interaction we have with a partner. Couples shouldn’t just minimize their negative money interactions, she says, but be more intentional about positive ones. Money conversations touch every part of life—relationships, careers, health, and peace of mind. Avoiding them can lead to conflict and isolation, while leaning into them builds trust, resilience, and financial confidence.

If you’re having a baby, things to work out with your partner include parental leave, loss of income during that time, and all the money you need to spend on the little bundle of joy. Get those conversations done BEFORE any of these life-changing events. Money can be a taboo subject, especially in cultures where discussing finances is seen as impolite. However, breaking the silence and making it a regular topic of discussion can foster healthier and more open relationships.

• His paycheck goes into one account, hers goes into another, and they each pay bills separately.
• A subtle way to bring up finances is by bringing up a money goal you’re working on.
• This is often because someone is just better with money and takes on that responsibility, or one person doesn’t work so the breadwinner handles it all.
• Ellevest’s team of wealth advisors are dedicated to helping you build a strong financial future with values-aligned investment strategies.
• While avoiding conflict may work in the short run, it could lead to mounting resentment in the long term (or mounting bills, if your partner has truly problematic habits).

A good way to bring up money with your partner without sounding rude or pushy MatchTruly (@Matchtruly_) / X is to start by naming the awkwardness. Consider starting a money check-in so that you’re always on the same page. They can just be short and simple, and at a time that works for both of your schedules.

People in relationships quickly learn the importance of open communication, especially when sharing life’s ups and downs with another person. Whether you’ve discussed cohabiting, marriage, or simply becoming an exclusive couple, talking about tough issues now can prevent arguments later. Learning how money works and how to talk about money with others are the first steps towards recognizing an individual’s lifelong financial goals.

If you’re only making the minimum payment, it could take years to get out of the debt. If you’re concerned about something, phrase it in terms of how it affects you. As things become more serious, and you reach the point where you are in a true relationship, you must be open about financial attitudes. It all starts with your own attitude towards money, and how you communicate about it. We’re all holding onto something we’re sure we can’t give up on, but research shows that letting go can boost our happiness a lot more than we might think. Research finds that spending on others has surprisingly powerful effects on our well-being (Dunn, Aknin & Norton 2008).

“So a great way to start understanding where your significant other is coming from is to understand his or her upbringing — and you can start with conversations about your childhoods.” When you find out how someone was raised, financially speaking, it can tell you a lot about how they view money today. “This saved us tens of thousands of dollars when we bought a house, due to her improved credit score,” Nayar said. Another way to keep the money conversation going is by creating money goals together. That involves regularly checking credit score reports to ensure there aren’t errors and working towards improving it, McCoy says. She suggests finding spending apps to “make sure there are no leaks”—that you aren’t spending money on things unimportant to you.